How to Help Someone with Anxiety Without Pushing Them Away
Caring for someone with anxiety can feel overwhelming. You want to help, but sometimes your well-meaning efforts can make their anxiety worse. The good news is that anxiety is a treatable condition, and your support truly can make a difference.
I believe that offering support starts with compassion, curiosity, and understanding. When someone you love is struggling with anxiety, showing up in the right way can help them feel seen, safe, and less alone.
In this article, you’ll learn how to help someone with anxiety by:
Spotting common signs and symptoms of anxiety
Knowing what to say (and what not to say)
Offering supportive, nonjudgmental anxiety interventions
Recognizing when to encourage professional help
If you're trying to help someone with anxiety, whether it's a partner, friend, or family member, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Let’s walk through this together.
Recognizing Symptoms of Anxiety and Common Symptoms of Anxiety
When people with anxiety first start to feel anxious, the signs can be subtle - maybe your friend cancels plans more often or seems keyed up for no clear reason. Yet nearly 40 million people in the U.S. (18 %) experience an anxiety disorder each year, and 301 million worldwide live with significant anxiety. Spotting symptoms early helps you prevent stress and anxiety from snowballing.
Signs of Anxiety You Might Notice
Persistent worry that seems out of proportion
Restlessness or a sense of impending danger
Difficulty concentrating or tuning out anxious thoughts
Physical Symptoms That Often Show Up First
Anxiety may show up in the body before someone can name it. Look for:
Rapid heart rate or shortness of breath
Sweating, trembling, or muscle tension
Trouble sleeping or frequent stomach upsets
These physical symptoms can feel overwhelming and even trigger a panic attack - a sudden surge of intense fear that peaks within minutes. Asking “Do you notice these sensations building?” can help someone experiencing anxiety feel understood and less alone.
When Does It Become an Anxiety Disorder?
Feeling nervous before a big presentation is normal. But when worry is constant, difficult to control, and interferes with work, relationships, or daily tasks for six months or more, it may meet criteria for generalized anxiety disorder or another type of anxiety, such as social anxiety disorder or panic disorder. At that point, encouraging your loved one to seek professional help, a therapist, counselor, or other mental health professional, moves from a “nice-to-have” to a vital next step in treating anxiety and reclaiming everyday life.
How can I comfort someone with anxiety?
Stay calm, listen, and let them know they’re not alone. Say things like, “I’m here with you” or “It’s okay to feel this way.” Just being there can really help someone with anxiety feel supported.
How to Prevent Anxiety in Other People by Creating a Calm, Safe Space
If you’re trying to help a loved one with anxiety, one of the most powerful things you can do is create an environment that feels safe and predictable. People with anxiety often feel overwhelmed not just by what’s happening inside them, but by the chaos outside, too.
A calm, structured environment won’t "cure" anxiety, but it can reduce triggers and help someone with an anxiety disorder feel more grounded.
Setting Clear Expectations and Routines
Routines provide a sense of safety, especially when someone’s mind is spinning with “what ifs.” People with anxiety may experience excessive anxiety when things feel uncertain or last-minute. Try to:
Give advance notice for plans or changes
Be consistent with communication and availability
Set gentle boundaries with kindness and clarity
Structure and predictability are helpful tools for managing anxiety symptoms, especially for those living with generalized anxiety disorder or social anxiety disorder.
Reducing Sensory Overload at Home or Work
Anxiety can also be triggered by overstimulation. Someone with anxiety may become more easily overwhelmed by:
Loud noise or constant interruptions
Cluttered or chaotic spaces
Bright lights or too many screens
Small changes, like lowering the volume, keeping shared spaces tidy, or offering a quiet moment, can reduce anxiety and support someone who is struggling. These are simple but powerful ways to help someone with an anxiety disorder feel more at ease without needing to “fix” their feelings.
And if they’re open to it, ask how you can help. You don’t need to have all the answers. Just being a safe, steady presence is one of the most effective ways to help a friend with anxiety.
What is the 3-3-3 rule for anxiety?
It’s a simple grounding tool:
- Name 3 things you see
- Name 3 things you hear
- Move 3 parts of your body
This helps break anxious thoughts and bring someone back to the present.
What to Say to Someone with Anxiety – and What Not to Say
When you’re speaking to someone with anxiety, your words matter more than you might realize. Even well-intended comments can make anxiety worse if they feel dismissive or minimizing. On the flip side, just a few thoughtful phrases can offer comfort and help someone feel less alone.
What to Say to Someone with Anxiety
People who live with anxiety often just want someone to listen, not fix it. Validation and connection are some of the most effective ways to support someone with anxiety. Try saying:
“That sounds really tough. Do you want to talk about it?”
“I’m here with you. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
“Would it help to take a few deep breaths together?”
“What do you need right now, or how can I support you?”
These simple statements help your loved one feel seen, which is a powerful tool in managing anxiety.
What Not to Say to Someone with Anxiety
Avoid phrases like:
“Just relax” or “Calm down”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“You’re overthinking it.”
“You have nothing to worry about.”
These comments may come from a good place, but they can make the person feel misunderstood or, worse, ashamed.
Practice Empathy, Not Fixing
You don’t need a solution. Most people with anxiety just want someone to listen and be present. Supporting them with empathy, not advice, can reduce shame and encourage them to seek help from a therapist or mental health professional when they’re ready. Sometimes, holding space is the most healing thing you can do.
Anxiety Interventions That Help Someone with Anxiety Feel Supported
When someone you love is caught in the grip of anxiety, it can feel like there’s nothing you can do, but that’s not true. The first step is always simple: ask how you can help, and really listen. You’re not there to fix it. You’re there to be with them, calmly and consistently. That presence matters more than you think.
For Someone Having an Anxiety Attack
In the moment, anxiety can feel overwhelming and even physically painful.
Try the 5-4-3-2-1 method (name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, etc.)
Encourage slow, deep breaths—counting in for 4, out for 6
Offer a glass of water or gently guide them to sit down
How to calm a person having anxiety?
Speak gently, encourage slow breathing, and stay close. Remind them that the anxiety will pass. Even small acts of support can make a big difference.
Healthy Habits That Can Support Anxiety Treatment
Outside of panic moments, encourage routines that help with anxiety, like:
Daily movement (a 20-minute walk can significantly reduce symptoms)
Sleep, hydration, and balanced meals
Time outside or screen-free breaks
These are simple but powerful strategies for managing anxiety, especially when paired with professional support. Anxiety can be challenging, but it’s also completely treatable, and no one has to face it alone.
When to Seek Professional Help and How to Encourage It
Sometimes, anxiety can be difficult, but manageable with support from friends and family. Other times, it starts to take over. If your loved one is skipping work, avoiding everyday tasks, or feeling overwhelmed for weeks at a time, it may be time to encourage professional help.
According to the Anxiety and Depression Association, people with anxiety disorders often wait years before seeking treatment, even though therapy can dramatically improve quality of life. Anxiety is a normal human response, but when it becomes chronic or interferes with functioning, it’s more than just stress; it’s a signal that support is needed.
Red Flags That Mean It’s Time to Seek Help:
Anxiety is interfering with work, school, or relationships.
They’re avoiding things they used to enjoy
Panic attacks are becoming more frequent
They feel stuck, no matter how hard they try
Talking about therapy doesn’t have to be heavy. Try:
“I care about you, and I wonder if talking to someone might help.”
“You don’t have to do this alone. A mental health professional can help you feel more in control.”
Remind them that anxiety is a treatable condition and seeking help is a strong, courageous step forward. Therapy isn’t about being broken. It’s about being supported.
Wondering If It’s Time for Help? Let’s Chat
If you or a loved one has been trying to deal with anxiety on your own, I want you to know: you don’t have to keep carrying it alone. Whether the anxiety feels like constant background noise or something that’s taking over daily life, there are ways to help, and healing is possible.
I offer personalized, evidence-based anxiety treatment (both in-person and online) to support people with anxiety disorders. If you're ready to explore what relief might look like, I’d be honored to walk alongside you. Reach out!
