Anger and Grief: It’s Ok to Be Mad
When You’re Grieving, It’s Natural to Feel Angry.
This isn’t something people talk about very often. It’s almost like anger being part of the grieving process is some sort of well-kept secret. But it’s true. And it’s ok if you feel angry amid grief. Anger is a normal human emotion we all experience.
In fact, anger is often a secondary emotion that crops up when there’s another painful emotion. So, in that context, it actually makes sense that grief and anger might go together. After all, when you’re grieving, you’re already experiencing a range of intense emotions. And many of those emotions don’t feel very good. So, it’s no surprise that anger might be one of those emotions that bubble up.
Signs Anger May Be Masking Grief
Sometimes, that anger is actually doing more than it seems. It might be covering up what’s really going on underneath. You may feel snappy, shut down, or even physically tense, without fully realizing that grief is behind it. That’s because anger can act like a shield, protecting you from the deeper, more vulnerable parts of your pain.
You might feel anger toward the situation, a specific person, or even yourself. Or you might not be sure why you’re angry at all. That’s okay. Grief is a natural response, and it doesn’t always make logical sense. You don’t have to fully understand it to acknowledge it.
Here are a few signs anger may be masking grief:
Irritability or outbursts you can't explain
Tension headaches or other unexplained physical pain
Intense anger toward others—or yourself
Difficulty finding peace or acceptance without experiencing grief
Avoidance of memories or emotions connected to the loss
These can all be symptoms of grief, especially when you're stuck between loss and acceptance without experiencing the full range of emotions.
Does grief make you angry?
Yes, anger is a part of grief. While many think of grief as sadness, anger is also a completely healthy response to the pain and loss of losing someone you love.
Grieving and Anger: Why You Might Feel Angry About a Lot of Things
Anger and grief often go together because they’re both natural reactions to loss. When you lose something or someone that you care about, you may have thoughts like, “Why did this happen to me?” or “This isn’t fair.” One minute you might be angry you didn’t have a chance to say goodbye, and the next grateful that a loved one died quickly. You may feel angry that someone who didn’t know the person as well seems so upset. And then, ten minutes later, you may feel angry at the world for seeming to move on while you are still hurting so badly.
All of These Reactions are Okay.
There is no “right” way to grieve the loss of a loved one. It’s complex. And feelings may change moment to moment…including your anger.
Your Anger During Grief is Valid
When grieving, it can be easy to feel guilty for having negative emotions, like anger. But you need to remember that your anger is a valid emotion. Even in response to something as tragic as the death of a loved one, your anger is still a natural and normal reaction.
It may even be hard to feel anger. Especially if it’s directed toward the person you lost. But it’s okay. It’s okay to be angry, and it’s okay to feel angry at them. This doesn’t mean you didn’t love them. It doesn’t make you a bad person either. This only means that you experience grief. Getting angry is part of the grief process.
Acknowledge Your Anger
Being angry while grieving can sometimes make us feel like we’re out of control. Or, it can be misinterpreted by others as not being “sad enough.” But you need to allow yourself to feel your anger. Recognizing and acknowledging your anger is an important part of the grief and loss process.
Sometimes, it can be a sign you’re not ready to let go. Or, you might need more time to process your feelings. Either way, it’s okay. Bottling up this emotion can be detrimental to your healing process and also to your mental health. But by acknowledging and accepting your anger, you’re one step closer to healing.
So, try to validate your feelings by acknowledging they are there. Hold that anger as it is. See it. Allow it to be what it is in this moment. Knowing that the emotion of anger, as with so many other emotions that come and go through loss and grief, may come and go. Yet, it is part of your experience at this particular moment.
Why does anger grow from grief?
Grief can bring a deep sense of injustice, especially when a loss feels sudden or unfair. Anger often comes from trying to make sense of something senseless.
Tips From a Grieving Counselor to Help You Cope With Anger and Grief
Everyone grieves in different ways. This means that each person deals with the various emotions related to grief differently. This is why there’s no “right” way to grieve. And, there’s also no timeline for grieving. You might find that your anger comes and goes. Or, you might feel angry all the time. Finding a way to express your anger in a healthy way can help you cope with your grief.
1. Writing in a Journal
You may be surprised at how therapeutic it can be to simply get your feelings out on paper. Writing your feelings out on paper in a controlled and safe environment can help you process your emotions. Doing so can also help to provide some clarity.
2. Screaming into a Pillow
This may seem silly, but sometimes all you need is to let out a good, long scream. This can help to release some of the pent-up anger and frustration you might be feeling. It releases the tension in your muscles, along with creating endorphins (happy hormones) that can help improve your mood.
3. Staying Active
Exercising may be the last thing on your mind after a loss. But, sometimes staying active and moving your body can help you work through some of those negative emotions. It doesn’t have to be anything too intense. It can be a walk in the park, some light yoga, or even just stretching. By exercising, you are releasing endorphins in your body, and this can help ease some of your anger.
4. Talking to a Grief Counselor or Therapist
Getting the right support is essential during the grieving period, especially if you're struggling with prolonged grief. Professional grief counseling can help you understand and work through your emotions while providing healthy coping tools to deal with your grief.
Anger is a natural and normal reaction to loss. And, it’s okay to feel angry. Remember, acknowledging and accepting your anger is an important part of the grieving process. There are also healthy ways to express and cope with your anger. And if you are struggling, there are specialized grieving counselors who are here to support you and navigate this difficult time.
How do I handle anger and grief?
Start by knowing that grief is natural, and feeling that anger is okay. Talking to a therapist or joining a grief support group can also help.
Feeling Angry After a Loss? That’s Normal - Let’s Talk
As a professional mental health provider specializing in grief and loss, I’ve worked with many individuals navigating both the emotional pain and the intense pain that comes with a loss. Whether you're feeling angry at a loss, disconnected from your support system, or unsure how to go from loss to acceptance, counseling can help you process this loss and begin to heal.
We’ll work together on:
Understanding the anger that comes with grief
Exploring coping strategies to manage tough emotions
Learning how to adjust your relationship with the person you lost
Finding healthy and constructive ways to use anger as a part of your healing
Recognizing that anger doesn’t make you “bad” or “broken”—it makes you human
Sometimes, anger in grief is misunderstood or dismissed. But anger isn’t something to fear or avoid; it can be a doorway into deeper healing when explored with care and support. Professional help allows space for that healing, in a way that feels safe and supported.
If you’re struggling with anxiety and depression, explosive emotions, or just don’t know how to take the next step, grief counseling can help you recognize the loss, feel supported, and slowly begin to find your way again.
Reach out today to explore your emotions and find your path to healing with the support of compassionate, experienced care.
Other Services Offered with Kyle Linnemann Counseling
As a grief counselor, I understand grief can be overwhelming and come with many other difficult emotions. This is why I provide a few different services at my Erlanger, KY-based therapy practice. This includes ACT therapy, anxiety therapy, anger management therapy, and individual therapy. I also offer treatment for depression. Currently, my practice provides online therapy sessions to residents of Kentucky and Ohio. For more information about my practice, check out the blog, read the FAQs, and learn more about me. I am here to help you navigate this difficult time in your life. Reach out today to honor your grief and start living again.
