How to Help Someone Who Is Grieving

8 tips from a grief counselor in Erlanger, KY, on what you can do to help a friend or family member who is grieving.

If you’re like most people, you probably don’t know what to say or do when a friend or family member’s loved one dies. You care and want to show you care. Yet, it can be difficult to know the best ways to support someone who is grieving. You may feel lost, helpless, and unsure of what to do. Maybe you’re afraid to even reach out at all. Your heart is in the right place.

Read on to gain tips from a prolonged grief therapist to find ways to help a grieving friend or family member.

How to Comfort Someone Who Is Grieving

Grief is uncomfortable to sit with for so many reasons. However, you being there for someone who is grieving is more important than you may realize. Simply by being present and listening to them, you are already providing a significant amount of support.

Unfortunately, because grief does feel so uncomfortable, it’s not uncommon for people to be at a loss and avoid grieving people. So, just by taking the time to read this blog post, you’re showing that you’re willing to put in the effort to be supportive during this time, even if you're not sure what to say.

Talking about the death of a loved one is difficult, especially with people going through the grief process. However, please know it’s ok to say, “I don’t know what to say that can help. I know nothing I say will bring the person back or heal your pain. But know that I want to be here for you however I can.” Just saying that goes a long way.

How do you help someone who is grieving?

Say something kind and simple like, “I’m here for you.” Offer practical help, listen if they feel like talking, and remind them it’s ok to grieve however they need.

1. Simply Listen to their Grief

Listening can be more helpful than you may think. When someone experiences prolonged grief, they often just need to talk about their loved one and their feelings. It’s important to listen to them without judgment and let them express how they’re feeling. They may want to talk about their loved one and reminisce about good times. Just let them talk and say nothing. Be there for them.

At times, you may not know what to say. That’s okay. Just let them know you are there for them and that you care. Remember, it’s about being present for them, not saying the perfect thing. Let them express their grief in any way they can.

2. Validate Their Feelings…All of their Feelings

Making sure the bereaved person knows that their feelings are valid is important. They may feel guilty, ashamed, or like they are overreacting. Sometimes, they may even feel something they don’t understand, like relief or peace. It’s important to let them know that their feelings are normal. Honestly, there is a wide range of what’s “normal” to feel, and it’s really common for people to feel a lot of things at the same time when they experience a loss. It’s important for you, as a support person, to know there is no right or wrong way to grieve. You can tell them that it’s okay to feel angry, sad, scared, or even mad.

You can also remind them that it’s okay to cry. Crying is a natural way to release emotions and can actually be helpful. These feelings are valid and a part of the grieving process. This is another important reminder: grief is a process.

3. Be Patient with the Bereaved Person

Being patient with people grieving is important. Their grieving process may be different from yours. They may need more time to adjust to the loss than you did or vice versa. It’s important not to compare your grieving to theirs. This can cause them to feel like they are not grieving correctly or that they should be over it by now. Everyone grieves differently and at their own pace.

4. Offer A Helping Hand

Offering to help with cooking, cleaning, or errands can be helpful. This gives your loved one or friend more time to grieve and process their feelings. It can also take some of the stress of their everyday life off their shoulders while they are going through this difficult time.

You can also offer to watch their children or pets. This can be a big help and allow them some much-needed time to themselves. This way, they can have time to grieve in peace and take care of themselves.

5: Share A Memory

If the person they lost is someone you knew, consider sharing a memory that you have of that person, particularly a positive memory.  Some people hesitate to talk about the person who has died, afraid they’ll make the grief worse. And truthfully, the person may cry when you share a story. But they’ll likely appreciate it. Because it shows you care and see their loss.

And keep sharing those memories with people who have lost a loved one.  When someone loses a spouse or a parent loses a child, they often say that it feels sad when people stop talking about the loved one who died. So, don’t be afraid to bring their name up or to say a few words about them even months or years after the loss. Again, it might temporarily make someone feel a bit sad. But it may also really help to remember the positives.

What if you didn’t know the person? Maybe ask the person who is grieving to instead share a favorite memory with you to help you get to know that person a little bit better. Again, we’re back to the idea of just listening to their grief, but really being present in that listening and actively asking about their memories.

6: Remind Them to Take Care of Themselves

Now,  this may seem like common sense, but it’s important to remind people grieving the death of a loved one to take care of themselves. This includes eating healthy, taking time to exercise, and getting enough sleep. When we are grieving, it’s easy to let self-care fall by the wayside. However, it’s not helpful for us in the long run or for our mental health when we do this.

You can gently remind them of the importance of taking care of themselves and offer to help in any way you can. Maybe by going to the gym with them or doing a home workout. Or, cooking them a healthy meal. Whatever you can do to help, it’s important to remind them that they need to take care of themselves during this time.

7: Remember to Take Care of Yourself Too

I’m sure you have heard the phrase you cannot pour from an empty cup. This applies here as well. You will not be able to help your loved one or friend if you are not taking care of yourself. Make sure you are also eating healthy, exercising, and sleeping enough.

It’s also important to make sure you are taking breaks when you need them and spending time with your support system. This can be with other friends and family or even a therapist. You need to make sure you are taking care of yourself so that you can be there for your loved one or friend.

8: Encourage Them to Seek Prolonged Grief Therapy if Needed

Sometimes the grieving process is too much to handle on our own. Prolonged grief therapy is available if this is the case for your loved one or friend, as are grief support groups. Seeking a grief therapist can be very helpful. They can help your loved one or friend work through their feelings and start to heal. Plus, the prolonged grief therapist will know how to help them if they are having a difficult time.

What are the 3 C's of grief?

The 3 C’s are:

• Choose what feels right for you, even in small ways.
• Connect with people who care. Grief is hard to carry alone.
• Communicate your needs so others know how to support you.

What to Tell Someone Who Is Grieving

Sometimes the hardest part of supporting a grieving person is not knowing what to say. You don’t want to make their pain worse, and there’s this pressure to say something “right.” But here’s the truth: there’s no perfect thing to say to take the pain away. And that’s okay. You don't need to change the subject. You’re not there to fix their pain, you’re there to walk alongside them.

Here are a few simple, heartfelt things you can say to someone who’s grieving:

• “I don’t have the right words, but I’m here for you.”
  You don’t need to say anything profound. Just acknowledging their pain and offering your support matters more than you know.

• “I’ve been thinking about you and [insert the name of the person who died].”
  Mentioning the person by name helps them feel remembered. It shows you haven’t forgotten the person who died, and that they’re still important.

• “It’s okay to feel however you’re feeling right now.”
  Grief can bring a lot of emotions—anger, guilt, sadness, even numbness. Let them know their feelings are valid and there’s no “right” way to grieve.

• “I don’t want to make you talk about it if you’re not up for it, but I’m here if you ever do.”
  This gives them space without pressure. Some people need to talk, while others don’t—and either is okay.

• “Would it help if I just sat with you for a bit?”
  Sometimes the best comfort isn’t talking—it’s presence. Offering quiet company reminds them they’re not isolated and alone.

• “You don’t have to go through this alone.”
  Grief can feel incredibly lonely. Saying this can gently open the door for them to lean on you, or even to encourage the grieving person to seek help if they need more support.

Supporting someone through grief isn’t about knowing what to say; it’s about showing up. Keep checking in. Keep listening. Keep reminding them that they’re not alone. Just your presence can bring comfort, connection, and hope in a time that feels dark and uncertain.

What helps people cope with grief?

Support from loved ones, talking about the deceased person, and sometimes grief therapy. Everyone’s grief response is different , and that’s okay.

Your Grief is Important Too

If you are struggling to support them or the loss is affecting you as well, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Prolonged grief therapy can be a great resource for both you and your grieving loved one or friend.

These are just a few ideas of how you can support a friend or family member when a loved one dies. It’s important to be patient, offer help, and take care of yourself during this difficult time. If you, your friend, or your loved one needs to seek professional help to work through the grief, don’t hesitate to do so. Get in touch!