What No One Tells You About How to Deal with Grief
Here’s the thing about grief—it doesn’t follow rules. It doesn’t check in to see if you’re ready, or if now’s a “good time.” And once it hits, it can feel isolating, overwhelming, and relentless. Whether you’re grieving the loss of a loved one or experiencing prolonged grief, know this: there’s no right or wrong way to mourn.
Grief is a natural response to loss—but healing doesn’t happen in a straight line. That’s not how the grieving process works in real life.
In this article, we’ll talk about:
Why the grieving process is different for everyone
What to know about coping with loss—especially when it feels like the world has moved on
Healthy, realistic ways to cope with grief (that aren’t just “stay busy”)
If you’re grieving someone you love, or struggling to deal with grief months—or even years—later, you’re not broken. You’re human. And support is available.
Understanding Grief: It’s Not Just Sadness
We often think of grief as something that only shows up after the death of a loved one—but the truth is, grief can sneak in through all kinds of doors. You might experience grief after a major loss like divorce, the loss of a child, a miscarriage, or even the loss of your health, your job, or your sense of identity.
Grief doesn’t always feel like sadness either. It can show up as irritability, fatigue, brain fog, or even physical pain. The symptoms of grief can affect your whole mind and body, and many people don’t realize that even joyful changes—like moving, retirement, or becoming a parent—can trigger a powerful grief response.
There’s no single way the grief process unfolds. Depending on the situation, you may be navigating one or more of these lesser-known types of grief:
Anticipatory grief – when you’re grieving someone before they’re gone (often during a terminal illness or memory decline)
Prolonged grief – when the grief doesn't ease with time and keeps you from engaging with life
Disenfranchised grief – when your loss isn’t recognized or validated by others (such as losing someone you love to overdose, suicide, or estrangement)
Grief can manifest in ways that disrupt both mental and physical health—and that healing truly takes time. And with the right kind of grief counseling, healing is possible.
Dealing with Grief When the World Moves On
One of the hardest parts of grief and loss? The world doesn’t stop. Even when someone you love has died, life keeps going—emails pile up, social invites come in, and people expect you to “bounce back” like you’re just getting over a bad cold.
But the truth is, coping with loss—especially after the death of a loved one—doesn’t follow a set timeline. Bereavement can stretch for weeks, months, even years. And still, many people feel like they have to smile, keep it together, or just “be strong,” even when inside, everything hurts.
Grief can feel like:
Brain fog or difficulty concentrating
Exhaustion, even after sleeping
Numbness or feeling disconnected from your life
Waves of guilt, anger, or emptiness that seem to come from nowhere
A deep ache that’s hard to explain, especially when others think you “should be fine by now”
These are normal responses to loss, but they can be unsettling. Grief can manifest with physical and cognitive symptoms that are often mistaken for other health issues. That’s part of what makes the pain of grief so complex—it affects both your thoughts and feelings, and your body, too.
Grief doesn’t need fixing. But it does need space.
Additional Reading: You might also want to learn How to Support a Friend or Family Member When a Loved One Dies.
How to Grieve in a Way That Feels Right for You
Here’s something you might want to remember: grieving a loved one isn’t a checklist you move through—it’s a personal, unpredictable process that won’t look the same from one day to the next. And that’s okay. Real grief doesn’t move in tidy lines—it loops, stalls, backtracks, and sometimes hits you sideways on a Tuesday morning when you least expect it.
The grieving process might look like this:
Feeling totally numb one day and sobbing over your coffee the next
Forgetting what you just read in an email because your brain feels like mush
Laughing with a friend, then immediately feeling guilty
Avoiding a favorite restaurant because that’s where you always went with the person who died
Sleeping too much… or barely at all
These aren’t wrong. They’re just responses to loss. And they don’t follow a schedule.
Research shows that acute grief can disrupt memory, sleep, digestion, and emotional regulation—all very normal reactions when someone dies. You don’t need to rush this. You don’t need to fit anyone else’s timeline.
What you can do is allow yourself to feel whatever shows up, without judgment. That’s where healing begins. A therapist or grief counselor can help you sort through these layers—not to “fix” you, but to give you the space and tools to carry the weight a little more gently.
Healing After Loss: What Helps (and What Usually Doesn’t)
When it comes to coping with loss, the pressure to “move on” can feel louder than your own thoughts. But here’s something worth holding onto: grief isn’t something to fix—it’s something to tend to. And healing starts when we stop trying to rush our way through it.
Coping with Loss Without Rushing Yourself
Letting go of self-judgment is a key step. If you're constantly thinking, “I should be better by now,” that’s not healing—that’s hustle. Grief often involves pacing yourself, not powering through.
Let yourself slow down
Be honest about how grief can make you feel
Give your emotions the space they’re asking for—especially the ones you wish would go away
Avoiding your feelings doesn’t make grief disappear. It just delays the process. According to the American Psychiatric Association, repressing emotions after the death of a loved one can increase the risk of prolonged grief disorder.
Dealing with Loss Through Small, Kind Actions
You don’t need big breakthroughs to begin healing. You need gentle, daily things that reconnect you to yourself:
Talking about your feelings with someone you trust
Getting fresh air, moving your body, or spending time in nature
Journaling, drawing, or finding a quiet moment just to breathe
Saying no when you need to
Saying yes when you feel ready
When Grieving Turns Into Prolonged Grief
If your grief feels stuck—if the pain hasn’t softened over time, or everyday life feels impossible—it may be time for professional help. That doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. It means your system is overloaded from the shock of the loss and needs support.
Grief may not follow a schedule. But healing can begin whenever you’re ready to stop rushing and start being real with what’s there.
Additional Reading: You should also take a look at Grief: When Should I Reach Out?
Grief and Grieving Are Not Linear—And That’s Okay
Even when you're doing all the “right” things, grief and grieving can still catch you off guard. One minute, you're getting through the day. The next, a scent, a song, or a date on the calendar hits like a tidal wave. That’s not failure. That’s grief doing what grief does.
Dealing with Grief Day by Day
There’s something about anniversaries, holidays, or even a random Friday at the grocery store that can bring everything rushing back. These aren’t setbacks—they’re reminders that losing a loved one leaves a lasting imprint.
Expect emotional “flare-ups” even months or years after the death of a family member
Revisit memories if it feels meaningful—avoid them if it’s too much, both are okay
Consider rituals: lighting a candle, visiting a favorite place, or journaling on milestone days
These gentle rituals aren’t about fixing the feelings of loss—they’re healthy ways to cope while still honoring the bond with the person who has died.
What Mourning Might Teach You (Even If You Don’t Want It To)
Nobody asks to become a grief expert. But loss has a way of teaching things we didn’t sign up for—like how to sit with discomfort, how to let go of control, and how to find meaning in places we didn’t expect.
Resilience doesn’t always feel strong—it feels like getting out of bed when everything hurts
Connection can come from unexpected places: a memory, a sunset, a real conversation
Grief may not get “better,” but it can get softer
You don’t need to go through these stages perfectly. You just need space to feel, reflect, and be. That’s where healing happens.
Let’s Talk About What You’re Carrying—and How I Can Help
If you’re navigating grief, loss, or life transitions—whether it’s the death of a loved one, prolonged grief, or a loss no one else seems to see—I’m here to walk through it with you. My approach is collaborative and compassionate. I won’t rush you or hand you a checklist. I’ll meet you where you are and help you find your way forward.
Grief counseling with me is a space to breathe, feel, reflect, and heal—on your terms.
Get in touch. We’ll take it one step at a time.
